


Winter Sonata

by PrincessKitty1



Category: Miraculous Ladybug
Genre: Aged Up, F/M, Gabriel Agreste being himself but worse, Implied Character Death, canon divergent obviously, critics are calling this fic distressing, if you're feeling sad and anxious reading this fic that's totally normal, major angst, manipulation on an epic scale, now featuring spoilers for season two, psychological stuff
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-11-01
Updated: 2018-03-13
Packaged: 2019-01-28 00:08:26
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 20,766
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12593628
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PrincessKitty1/pseuds/PrincessKitty1
Summary: Chat Noir, revealed to be Adrien Agreste, died in a building collapse at the age of seventeen. Twelve years later, Marinette, engaged to be married, meets a man who looks exactly like Adrien. But is Felix Agreste really a different person? Or is there something more sinister at work—something that Marinette will do everything in her power to stop, no matter who it hurts?





	1. Prologue: My Memory

**Author's Note:**

> I promised I'd upload this story on FanFiction and AO3! Welcome the The Hurtening: Revisited. If you've watched the Korean drama Winter Sonata or read the original version of this fic on my Tumblr last year, then you know where this is going. But if you're joining me for the first time, I encourage you to stick around until the end. Oh, and keep some tissues handy.

Meteorologists would later call it the coldest winter Paris had seen in many years.

Those who were presently stuck in it had to agree. Ladybug, for example, noticed her suit had spawned an extra layer of protection to keep the cold from restricting her movements. But the bitter wind still stung her eyes and cheeks as she swung through the city on her evening patrol. Cheerful onlookers and gray buildings rushed past her in a teary blur. She'd need to talk to Tikki about the possibility of turning her mask into goggles.

Satisfied that no akuma or petty criminals were about, Ladybug changed her route and headed for the Eiffel Tower. Normally, she'd be desperate to go home, make herself some hot chocolate, and snuggle under no less than three blankets while she watched a movie. But Chat Noir had lost one of their many bets that week and had therefore been forced to treat her to coffee.

Not that he seemed all that broken up about it. While she'd pranced around the roof in full-on gloat mode, he'd smiled at her as if he couldn't think of anything better than buying her coffee, spending a few extra minutes with her while they sipped drinks and people-watched.

To Ladybug's ever-increasing frustration, she couldn't think of anything better, either.

As she neared the tower, she spotted her partner's outline against the violet sunset sky and her heart skipped a few beats. It had been doing that a lot lately—skipping beats when she looked at Chat Noir. She tried to chalk it up to the changes his body had undergone in the past two years: more height, more muscle, the boy he used to be eclipsed by the man he would become. Purely shallow reasons, she told herself.

But when she landed next to him and he turned to her with that  _smile_ —the one thing that had remained constant throughout their two-year partnership, that she'd started to suspect would never change—her excuses died in the face of genuine emotion.

The fact of the matter was that Ladybug, hero of Paris, had a serious problem, and his name was Chat Noir.

"Good evening, my Lady," he greeted her as she dropped down and let her legs dangle over the side of the tower. Then, to her surprise, he leaned in until his face was mere inches from hers. "You haven't been crying, have you?"

"Crying?" Ladybug squeaked. Smooth.

"Your eyes are red."

"Oh!" She reached up to rub them with gloved hands, only to recoil when the cold material of her suit touched her skin. "No, it's this weather. I'm freezing my face off," she said. Although, she  _did_  have a pressure in her chest she couldn't explain, as if something unbearably sad had happened, but she couldn't remember what it was.

Chat Noir's body relaxed and he leaned away from her. "As long as you're okay," he said, then turned to retrieve two coffee cups sitting on the beam next to him. Ladybug took the opportunity to steal a glance at his profile. "The guy asked me if I wanted any extra shots of smugness, but I told him you were trying to watch your ego."

"Haha. You're  _so funny_ ," Ladybug drawled as she took the cup he offered her. She pulled off the lid and inhaled the steam that caressed her face. It smelled like a liquified gingerbread house. She decided to play nice and gave Chat Noir a honeyed smile, complete with fluttering lashes. "Thank you,  _chaton_."

"You're very welcome,  _buginette_."

They sat without speaking for a while, savoring their coffees. The sky above them darkened as night conquered what was left of the day, and moments later, the Eiffel Tower blazed to life with an awestruck murmur from pedestrians and tourists far below. A few people pointed up at the superhero pair. Chat Noir waved at them. Two years later and he still loved his public, Ladybug thought.

"Seen the news this morning?" he asked her suddenly. She shook her head. "It's going to snow this Thursday, starting overnight. We're supposed to get a ton of it."

Ladybug sipped her coffee. "Is that so?"

Chat Noir kicked his long legs back and forth and shot her a mischievous smirk. "It is, and I happen to have a very important rendezvous with a lady in red that day."

There went Ladybug's heart again, skipping all the way around her chest. She put her coffee down and tapped her chin. "That's funny, because I have a very important rendezvous with a black cat that day."

"How about that!" Chat Noir cried.

"You should tell me where your rendezvous is going to be. You know, so we don't accidentally run into each other." She tried her best to maintain a flippant expression.

Chat Noir gave it some thought. "The Champ de Mars," he said.

Ladybug nodded. "You definitely won't see me there, then."

"I definitely won't expect to," he replied.

And they finished their coffees in comfortable silence, letting their drinks and the promise of Thursday chase the cold from their limbs.

x.x.x

The rest of the week rushed by in a blur, and on Thursday morning, Parisians woke up to a blanket of snow.

It was the kind of snow that had just the right consistency to be played in. Citizens flocked outdoors, turning parks into snowball battlefields, snowmen communities, and designated laughter areas. Even those who were inconvenienced by the weather couldn't help but smile at the infectious happiness of their fellow man.

The Champ de Mars in particular drew a large crowd. Most came to enjoy themselves. Some were there to take photos and videos of the snow-covered Eiffel Tower. And a few had come to see the spectacle of Paris's resident superheroes, Ladybug and Chat Noir, frolicking like children through the trees.

"I thought you were supposed to be doing your worst,  _buginette_!" Chat Noir taunted from his perch on a branch. A moment later he sprang into the air just in time to avoid getting beaned by a snowball.

Ladybug wound up and pitched again. The umpteenth snowball sailed over Chat Noir's head and hit the trunk of a neighboring tree in a violent explosion of powder. "Hold still," she yelled.

"That defeats the purpose of a snowball fight," he yelled back, then darted into another tree and vanished. Ladybug cast her yoyo and went after him.

The hazy white of the sky made time appear to stand still. They chased each other for what felt like hours. It was Chat Noir who finally ended the fight by tackling Ladybug from behind, rolling them into a snowdrift and half burying her in slush. She laughed and spluttered and fought back, but conceded her defeat after a few futile minutes. He let her up then, and the two caught their breath in a secluded patch of trees. Ladybug leaned forward and gathered up an armful of snow.

"I thought you surrendered," Chat Noir said when he noticed her rolling up another ball.

"I did." She piled a smaller one on top of the base, then formed two pointed ears. "Voila!"

"Ooh, is that supposed to be me?" Chat Noir shoveled a mound of snow closer to him and went to work on his own. Minutes later he was trying, with varying degrees of success, to attach pigtails to the bottom of a snowman's head. Ladybug laughed at him.

"It's all right,  _chaton_. I get it." She pushed the snow Chat next to the snow Lady until their icy bodies touched. "Should we make a Hawkmoth too?" she asked. Chat Noir gave her a bland look. "No, you're right. We're off the clock today."

As they sat there together, enjoying the peace of the afternoon, Ladybug felt that familiar agitation come over her. She snuck glances at Chat Noir. Toyed with the idea of holding the gloved hand that rested beside her own. There had been numerous times throughout the past two years where she wondered if she might have feelings for him and managed to convince herself otherwise. But that day, in the snow that seemed imbued with magic of its own, there was no convincing herself otherwise. She couldn't have done it if she tried.

He looked at her. She swallowed as her heart skipped around in her chest again. He lifted his hand to push some of the damp hair out of her face. When his gaze flickered to her cheeks, she knew he'd seen her blush.

Their eyes met. She shifted just a little bit closer to him.

He kissed her before she could change her mind.

Ladybug had never wanted to admit that she'd enjoyed kissing him the first time, hurried and desperate though it was. But this second kiss, mere yards away from the people they protected daily, hidden by trees, noses numb from the cold, was completely different. A little clumsy. Confused as to whether it wanted to be affectionate or passionate. Their hands weren't sure where to go, so they remained at their sides. And Ladybug couldn't help thinking—murky though her thoughts were—that Chat Noir's lips tasted a lot like love.

When they pulled apart, he surprised her by springing to his feet and scrambling up the nearest tree. "The chase is back on," he announced gleefully, then pelted her with a snowball.

" _Marinette_."

Incredulous and more than a little embarrassed, she jumped up and ran after him, dimly aware of the roar in her ears growing louder by the second, of the darkness swallowing everything but Chat Noir's retreating form, of a sorrow unlike any she'd ever felt before filling her lungs like water.

" _Marinette_."

There was still snow on the ground the day the building collapsed on top of him.

"Marinette!"

Marinette opened her eyes to the sight of her sunlit bedroom ceiling. Tikki hovered over her head, her small mouth stretched into a smile. "Wake up! Today's the big day!" she cried.

Marinette stayed perfectly still. She held onto the lingering cold of her dreams as if her life depended on it. It had been years since she'd dreamt of that snowy day. Why had it come back to her now, and so vividly? She felt around for her phone and pulled it up to check the time and date.

No, she was not a carefree teenage superhero anymore. She was twenty-eight years old, a moderately successful fashion designer who did some superheroing on the side, and tonight was the night of her engagement party.

And as for Adrien Agreste, her beloved Chat Noir, he was still dead.


	2. Seeing Ghosts

Marinette walked downstairs, dressed for the morning in a black coat, red scarf, and knee-length boots. The scent of fresh pastries brought her away from thoughts of her dreams and into the bakery, where her parents entertained a line of customers with their usual display of flawless teamwork and affectionate banter. Sabine noticed her first, and Marinette, not wanting to alarm her mother, threw on the smile she'd perfected after years of worried glances and murmured sympathies.

"Good morning, Marinette," Sabine practically sang. She handed Marinette a plastic-wrapped pair of chocolate chip cookies and lowered her voice to a whisper. "Good morning, Tikki."

Marinette's coat pocket gave off a brief glow in reply.

"Are you excited?" Sabine asked as Marinette slipped the cookies in beside Tikki.

"Excited, nervous, slightly queasy…"

"Don't be. The day will end before you know it and you'll wish it had lasted longer."

Marinette walked over to her father, tugged him down, and kissed his cheek. "I'd feel a bit better if I didn't have to worry about pleasing Mrs. Kurtzberg," she said. Even after years of dating, Nathanael's mother had yet to warm up to Marinette. A paranoid part of her wondered if the woman could smell the lingering grief on her, but chances were she just didn't think Marinette was good enough for her son—which was annoying, but manageable. Marinette scooted past the customers at the register and headed for the door. "Alya and I are getting breakfast, then Nath's picking me up to go to the jeweler's, so I'll see you guys this afternoon," she called over her shoulder.

Tom handed a box of pastries to a customer and waved Marinette off. "Have a nice day, sweetheart!"

The moment she stepped out of the bakery, she took a deep breath of the cold October air and regretted it almost immediately. Nostalgia gripped her heart. The changing leaves and the taste of the coming winter dug up the sorrow buried deep within her bones, coloring Marinette's world with a sense of unreality. Twelve years had passed. Twelve years, and in many ways, Paris was still the same city that Ladybug and Chat Noir had once defended together. Same landmarks, same architecture, same weather. The only difference was the people.

"I hate this, Tikki," Marinette murmured as she walked down the street. "I was doing so well."

She'd spent longer than usual getting ready that morning. Against her better judgment, she had unearthed the keepsake box tucked into the bottom of her wardrobe and lingered over its contents: the sky-blue scarf she'd given Adrien for his birthday, the lucky charm he'd given her for hers, the magazine clippings that used to decorate her bedroom walls. She hadn't looked at them in ages. She hadn't needed to.

Tikki took the opportunity to fly from Marinette's pocket and hide in her scarf. "I know it upsets you, Marinette. But you've been anxious about this engagement party for weeks, and now that the big day has arrived, it makes sense for your mind to come up with a coping mechanism," she said.

"And my coping mechanism is dreaming of Adrien?" Marinette frowned. She refused to believe that. What did it say about her feelings for Nathanael?

Nathanael, who had been kind to her and supportive in her time of grief. Nathanael, who'd made her smile and laugh when she thought she would never smile and laugh again. Nathanael, who understood her and took care of her and asked for nothing in return but her happiness.

She loved Nathanael. She had no business thinking of Adrien on such an important day.

She focused on clearing her mind as she walked the two blocks to the restaurant where she'd promised to meet Alya. With a reporter for a best friend, there was no hiding any turns in her mood: she could either force herself to feel better or endure an interrogation.

Alya waited at a table by the window and waved at Marinette as soon as she spotted her. Marinette walked into the restaurant and hurried over. "Sorry I'm late," she said.

"Late?" Alya arched an eyebrow. "You're five minutes early. You haven't been late for anything since high school," she said, then reached out and took Marinette's hands with a grin. "Today's the day! How are you feeling?"

"Ugh," Marinette replied.

Alya shook her head. "Tikki, please do something about her."

"I tried, but she won't listen to reason," Tikki chirped from her hiding place.

Alya had discovered Marinette's superhero identity two days after Adrien's death, when an injured Marinette had mysteriously vanished from her bedroom and Ladybug, who'd been missing since the day of the accident, turned up at the collapsed building. Tikki had sat down and spoken with both Alya and Marinette's parents after that.

"If you're worried about Mrs. Kurtzberg, Nino and I will entertain her for as long as possible. That way she won't have time to notice all your imaginary failings," Alya said.

Marinette smiled at her. "I appreciate it." She let out a sigh and picked up the restaurant's menu. "I promise I'm more excited than I sound. A party with my close friends and family, celebrating my engagement to a wonderful man? It's just what I need to reenergize me for the rest of the wedding prep."

"How's your dress coming along, by the way?"

Marinette thought of the half-finished dress clinging to the mannequin bust in her bedroom. When she'd seen it that morning, bathed in autumn light, she'd imagined it judging her for her weakness and had been overwhelmed by guilt. "It's coming along great," she said. "I thought it would give me more trouble, but at the rate I've been working on it it'll be done way before the wedding."

A waiter dropped by with coffee and took their breakfast orders. Marinette lifted the mug to her lips and let the heat chase away the cold that never seemed to want to leave her after an Adrien dream. She offered the mug to Tikki, but Tikki made a face at the bitter liquid and burrowed back into her scarf.

Alya watched the interaction with a fond smile. "And when are you planning to tell Nathanael that you're Ladybug?"

Marinette groaned. "Do I have to?"

"He might be interested in knowing why his wife sneaks out in the middle of the night."

"I could tell him I'm having an affair."

"Marinette!"

"I'm joking!" Marinette cried. In truth, she'd given a lot of thought to how she would break the news to Nathanael, but she wasn't any closer to deciding. Did she tell him before the wedding, so he could have time to think about whether he wanted to enter into holy matrimony with a superhero? Did she tell him on the honeymoon, when he still had time to get an annulment? Or did she hide it from him until he inevitably caught her sneaking out for patrols?

"He needs to know," Alya said with a sober expression. "Otherwise, he might not be as understanding about…" She trailed off with a slight cringe.

Marinette lowered her coffee mug. "About what?"

"You know… if you have a dream about Adrien."

Her grip on the mug tightened. She closed her eyes and saw him, suit-clad and happy, taunting her from a tree branch, urging her to try harder to catch him. As if running fast enough could bring him back from wherever he was now. She opened her eyes again.

"I'll be fine," she said. "I haven't dreamed about him in ages."

Tikki let out a murmur of disapproval loud enough for only Marinette to hear. Marinette acknowledged Tikki's disapproval, raised her coffee mug to her mouth, and took a long pull.

x.x.x

The engagement ring was too small.

She had suspected as much before she pushed it past her knuckle, but now that it wouldn't come off, there was no denying it. The ring would have to be resized. Again.

Marinette and Nathanael sat in his car, still parked in front of the jewelry store, and frowned at the ring as if it were a puzzle in need of solving. "That is so strange," he said. "I swear we had the right measurement last time."

"So did I, unless I gained some weight that my scale isn't telling me about." Marinette pulled on the stubborn ring but only succeeded in hurting herself. "Looks like we're going to have to take it to the bakery and grease it."

Nathanael chuckled. "Well, I'm glad you've got a good sense of humor about it."

"Why wouldn't I? It's not like it's your fault," she said, and gave him a reassuring smile. "Tell you what: why don't we hold onto it for the party tonight, then give it back to the jeweler tomorrow? That way we won't have to show up empty-handed."

He gave her a look. "Was that a pun?"

Marinette thought back on what she'd said and laughed unnaturally loud. "I guess it was! I swear I'm not doing this on purpose."

"Riiiight," Nathanael said.

They grinned at each other, then Marinette held out her hand so they could both admire the ring in the sunlight. The small diamond sparkled cheerfully, physical proof of the love they shared and the journey they were about to embark on together. Even with a half-finished wedding dress in her bedroom, Marinette still had trouble believing she was getting married, but every time she looked at her husband-to-be she felt reassured.

Nathanael had always been there for her. While the rest of their classmates had left Marinette to her sorrow, Nathanael had talked to her, included her. He'd understood that the best way to get her feeling normal again was to treat her normally. But on the days when she could not have been normal if she'd tried, he'd given her space, always reminding her that her friends cared about her and wanted to see her well.

When he'd proposed to her after two years of dating, she'd accepted it with no hesitation and a headrush of pleasure.

"Now, I know you're worried about my mother," Nathanael said as he started up his car, "but I've spent all week buttering her up so she's in a very good mood."

Marinette held back a groan. Was she that transparent? "Are you sure? Because Alya and Nino have offered to distract her for me."

"They don't have to do that. My mother  _likes_  you. It's part of the reason she tries to hard to be mad."

Marinette smiled. "I don't believe that, but thanks for trying."

"It's true! You're successful, driven, punctual, pretty, and you make me happy. You're the perfect daughter-in-law," Nathanael said.

"Except I'm not Jewish."

"Except you're not Jewish, but she's made peace with that."

Marinette heard Tikki giggle next to her ear and coughed to hide the sound. The secret-keeping would not do. She'd definitely have to tell him before the wedding—tonight, if she could manage it.

They drove through the busy streets of Paris until they reached the bakery. Marinette still had an afternoon of hair and makeup to look forward to before she made her way to the venue where the engagement party would be held, and she wanted to make sure she had plenty of time to let her makeup set before she left. She leaned over and pecked Nathanael on the cheek. "I'll see you tonight, okay?"

"Don't be late," Nathanael said with a wink. Marinette stuck her tongue out at him and climbed out of the car. The perpetual tardiness of her younger self would haunt her forever.

The hour spent in her fiancé's company had done Marinette a world of good. She felt rejuvenated, ready to take on the evening and everything that came after it. And even though she couldn't call herself a hundred percent better yet, she was more determined than ever to leave the past where it belonged.

x.x.x

Marinette examined her reflection in the mirror as Tikki fussed over the exact position of an elaborate hairpin. She stifled a yawn behind her hand. The night's troubled sleep had caught up to her at last, and coupled with the butterflies in her stomach she wished for little more than to crawl into bed and sleep the evening away. But she had dinner to eat. Congratulations to receive. Pictures to pose for.

And, she told herself for the umpteenth time, a lover to come clean about her superhero powers to.

"Done," Tikki said, flying back to admire her handiwork. "Oh Marinette, you look gorgeous."

Marinette stood and twirled in her handmade dress. It was designed after a ladybug of course, red with a black sash around the middle, and gauzy fabric under the skirt to resemble hidden wings. For a moment she felt powerful again. Ever since Hawkmoth had gone overseas and fallen under the jurisdiction of American superheroes, Marinette had been more like a costumed police officer than someone with ancient magical powers. She went on patrols, dealt with regular humans committing petty crimes. Once every few weeks a box covered in magical seals and filled with akuma would arrive at Master Fu's, and Marinette would go purify them.

She used to ask him if another Chat Noir had surfaced, but after the first five silent years they'd both given up his ring for lost.

"Thanks for the help, Tikki." Marinette held her clutch open so Tikki could get inside. "Now to make it to the hotel without stepping in a mud puddle, bumping into anything dirty, or otherwise being my usual clumsy self."

"You could just transform," Tikki suggested.

Marinette shook her head. "That's for emergencies only. I'll be fine." She admired her securely pinned hair before stepping back from the mirror. Her eyes landed on her half-finished wedding dress and quickly darted away.

Her parents had gone to the hotel early to help set up the decorations and food, so she locked up the bakery on her way out. It was a chilly autumn evening, the sun well below the horizon. Marinette strolled the streets of the city in no particular hurry. She had a few minutes to spare.

The hotel was only a few blocks from the bakery, chosen for being within walking distance of everyone invited to the party. She could see it up ahead, beautiful and glowing like the rest of Paris, and was about to cross the street when something caught her eye.

Some _one_.

She turned her head.

Adrien Agreste disappeared into the metro station.

Marinette stopped dead in her tracks. Every inch of her went cold. Her heartrate kicked up and it became harder to breathe.

Adrien. That had been Adrien. She was sure of it.

She ran.

Hotel forgotten. Around the corner. Down the stairs. Past surprised pedestrians. To Adrien.  _Adrien_. She would have known him anywhere.

Her eyes locked onto blond hair. Wide shoulders under a black coat, stepping onto a train.

"Adrien?" Marinette tried to call out, but she could only manage a whisper. She bought a ticket. Ran to catch the train before it left and wedged herself into a crowded car. Strands of hair came undone from her elaborate pin. She approached the window that looked into the next car as the train took off, stood on tiptoes to get a better look.

Blond hair and wide shoulders under a black coat, staring at his phone. She saw nothing but his ear and cheek. His familiar ear and cheek.  _Turn around_ , she willed him with all her strength. She'd been so sure. All he needed was to look at her again.

He turned… and a taller man stood in front of him, blocking Marinette's view. She resisted the urge to scream and pound her fist on the glass. Every passing second was pure agony.

_Adrien. Mon minou._

"Marinette!" Tikki's hushed voice came from somewhere below. "Where are we going?"

_My precious Chat Noir. Look at me. Please, look at me._  Her eyes filled with tears.

The train stopped. Doors opened. Adrien disappeared.

Marinette fought through the crowd. Burst from the train. Turned in circles, searching, dress skirt billowing around to reveal her hidden wings. She rushed forward, looked again. Ran a few more steps, looked again.

Nothing. No one. He was gone. Tears ran down her cheeks. No. No, no. She'd had him. He'd been right there. The breath left her lungs in a frantic sob. She ran up the stairs and into the Parisian night. Nothing. No one. Nowhere.

"Marinette, what's wrong?" she heard Tikki cry. Her hand came up to her mouth in a pitiful attempt to keep her sobs at bay.

_I saw him_ , she thought, even as she kept searching the concerned faces of everyone who walked past her.  _I'm not crazy, damn it! He was right there!_  She gave up, sank onto a nearby bench and hugged herself, weeping brokenly into the night.  _I'm not crazy. I'm not crazy. I'm not crazy…_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter took way longer to write than it needed to. The holidays, am I right?
> 
> The author you are trying to reach is busy. Please leave your message in the box below. Boooox.


	3. Cold Feet

Paris at night was a sight to behold. Marinette saw none of it as she walked barefoot through the streets, heels in hand, head lowered, strands of hair stuck to her wet cheeks. She walked until she reached the site of the building collapse, and lifted her head to take in the view.

The wreckage was no longer there, of course.

The city had elected not to build anything over it. Instead they converted the lot into a small park area: fenced in grass browned by the chill of autumn, a young tree struggling to find its place in the concrete jungle, and a statue of Chat Noir with fingers curved into claws, ready to fight. Marinette remembered how Theo's body had heaved as he wept over Ladybug's gloved hands.  _Chat used to hang out in the studio sometimes_ , he'd said.  _He was my friend_.

Marinette stood in front of the statue, eyes swollen, hair disheveled, her face sticky and warm. A bouquet of dying flowers laid at Chat's feet. They tended to appear in large quantities when the weather turned cold and reminded the city's older residents of their dearly departed hero. Marinette would have to bring him new ones soon.

Tikki sat on her shoulder, one small hand pressed to her damp cheek. "Your family will be worried about you," she said.

Marinette acted like she hadn't heard her. "Tikki… am I losing my mind?" A fresh tear rolled down her cheek. "I see someone who looks like Adrien and I drop everything to stalk them through the city." She shook her head in disgust. "What's wrong with me?"

Tikki flew up and wiped her tear away. "You want to know what I think?" she asked. "You have a serious case of cold feet." Marinette winced, but Tikki went on. "Marriage is a big change. Between work, the engagement party, your upcoming trip to New York, and your superhero duties, you haven't really had time to sit and think about everything. And you and Nathanael are trying to have the wedding before you leave next month!" She shook her head. "Whether you want to admit it or not, you're stressed out. A stranger resembling your first love was the perfect excuse to run from that stress."

Marinette nodded. It made sense, though she hated the thought of running away from Nathanael. "So what do I do?" she asked.

"I think you ought to talk to your fiancé. Suggest putting off the wedding until you come back from New York." Tikki resumed her perch on Marinette's shoulder. "A little distance from Paris will give you some fresh perspective."

Marinette was collaborating with an American design company on a new clothing line that would launch in a couple of months, which meant moving to New York for those couple of months. A new country, a new city, a new experience with new people and no painful reminders of her past. Perhaps the time away  _would_  do her some good. She'd meant to leave Paris much earlier; her parents had practically begged her to. But she'd always found an excuse to stay.

Her gaze returned to the Chat Noir statue. A cold breeze crinkled the plastic around the bouquet and made Marinette shiver. "He wouldn't want to see me like this, would he?"

"He only ever wanted you to be happy," Tikki said.

Marinette closed her eyes and thought of Chat Noir kissing her hand, Adrien shyly asking for her autograph, Chat waggling his eyebrows at her, Adrien smiling as she handed him her lucky charm, the look of pure panic on Chat's face when their world began to crumble around them.

"Mari?"

She turned around. Alya stood at the entrance of the park, eyes wide and pitying. Her shoulders sagged. "How did I know I'd find you here?"

Reality came crashing back into focus and filled Marinette with dread. The engagement party. Nathanael. What time was it? How long had she walked around the city in a stupor?

There would be a lot of explaining to do: to her fiancé, her parents, her future in-laws, and all their friends. But for now, she was grateful she had someone who understood enough to not ask questions.

x.x.x

When Marinette and Alya arrived at the hotel, Nathanael stood outside with his phone pressed to his ear and an expression on his face that made Marinette suck in a sharp breath. She'd turned off her phone before leaving the bakery. All this time, he must have thought something terrible had happened to her, and her red-rimmed eyes and untidy appearance would do nothing to calm him.

"Go inside and tell everyone you found me," Marinette said to Alya. "I'll take it from here."

Alya glanced at her. "You sure?"

Marinette nodded. She had to speak with her fiancé alone.

Nathanael spotted them, lowered his phone, and rushed to Marinette's side. Alya took the chance to slip away. "What happened?" he asked, his voice tight with concern. He put his hands on her shoulders. "You've been crying. Are you hurt? Did someone do something to you?"

Marinette committed his increasingly anxious tone to memory. She wouldn't do this to him again. She couldn't. "Nothing happened," she said. "I was on my way here and I… I went off on my own. The time got away from me. I'm sorry. I didn't mean to be gone for so long."

Nathanael stared at her. "I don't understand," he said.

_Cold feet_ , Marinette thought. It was a good explanation, and for the time being, the only one that didn't make her sound unhinged. "I had a lot on my mind, so I ended up going on a walk to clear my head. Really bad timing, I know, but I just hadn't had the opportunity before today and the engagement party made everything so official that I freaked out, and freaking out in private is one thing but in front of everyone we know?"

Nathanael still looked anxious, but when he spoke, his voice was calmer. "Okay. Talk to me, Marinette. What's going on?"

Marinette took a deep breath. "I think we're moving too fast," she said, then held up her hands. "I don't mean about being engaged or even having this party tonight. Trust me when I say that I am enjoying being engaged to you."

Finally, a smile. "I'm enjoying being engaged to you too," Nathanael said.

Marinette did her best to smile back. "Then do you think it would be alright if we postponed the wedding until after New York? I just have so much on my plate, and I know we planned to honeymoon over there so I wouldn't have to come back to Paris to pack and leave, but…"

"It's a lot," Nathanael finished for her. He sighed and pulled her into his arms. "That's nothing to cry about, Mari. I hope you don't feel like you can't talk to me about these things."

Guilt stabbed Marinette's heart again and again, but she pushed it aside, folded it up and tucked it into a dark corner of her mind. "I'm sorry," she said. "I thought I was ready." That, at least, was the truth.

Their moment was interrupted by a commotion from inside the hotel lobby. Marinette looked over Nathanael's shoulder. Her parents, Alya, and Nino stood by the door, watching in horror as a red-faced Mrs. Kurtzberg stomped towards them. Nathanael must have sensed Marinette tense, because he turned around just in time to become a human shield between her and his mother.

"How dare you?" Mrs. Kurtzberg practically shouted. "How dare you embarrass my son like this? Where have you been? Do you have any idea how worried we were? We almost called the police!"

"Mom, it's okay," Nathanael said as he moved to keep Marinette out of his mother's grasp. "Everything is fine. We've already discussed—"

"Everything is not fine!" Mrs. Kurtzberg snapped. She pointed a finger at Marinette. "You have been toying with my son's feelings since you were in grade school! You think I don't notice how you take him for granted?"

Marinette flinched at her words. She could have defended herself. Just yesterday, she  _would_  have defended herself, and spectacularly at that. But the fact of the matter was that she'd run away from her engagement party because she thought she'd seen her first love, a boy who had been dead and buried for more than a decade, a boy who couldn't possibly be alive.

She'd traded her fiancé for a ghost without a second thought.

Marinette remained silent as Nathanael's argument with his mother escalated until his father came out of the hotel and pulled her away. She gave her own parents weak reassurances when they swooped in to make sure she was alright, but said nothing when they asked her where she'd been.

"What in the world were you thinking?" Sabine said, quietly enough to convey her worry but sternly enough to get her anger across. "We were worried about you, Marinette! You disappeared and weren't answering your phone and after everything that happened in the past…!" Her eyes filled with tears.

"I'm sorry,  _maman_." Marinette bowed her head. She would give her parents the same excuse she'd given Nathanael, even though she hated lying to them when they were already confused and hurt. But the truth was too shameful to tell.

Twelve years had passed, and a single dream about Adrien could still bring her to her knees.

x.x.x

Marinette woke with a jolt the next morning. She frowned at her ceiling in groggy confusion, unable to remember what day it was or how she'd gotten to bed. She woke up that way more often than she cared to admit.

She reached over her head for the phone on her shelf and checked the time. Almost nine, and she had a text message from Nathanael asking if she wanted to get breakfast in half an hour. She sent back a quick yes, then forced herself out of her warm bed. Outside, it was a cheerful Sunday morning in Paris—far too cheerful after the night she'd had.

Tikki looked away from Marinette's computer, which she often used to binge-watch shows online and catch up on the world's news. "Sleep well?" she asked.

Marinette knew what Tikki really meant to ask:  _How are you feeling?_ But she'd been asked that question so often in the past that she'd grown sick of it. "I think so," she said. "Nathanael will be here in a little while. Guess he wants to sit down and reschedule the wedding with me."

"That's good," Tikki said, her voice unnaturally eager. "It'll be good for both of you. Talking, I mean."

Marinette sighed. "Tikki, I know I must have scared you yesterday, but I'm fine. Just because I had one bad day doesn't mean I'm going to fall apart." She held her hands out and Tikki flew into them, her large eyes reflecting her sorrow. "I promise. If I ever feel that low again, I'll tell you and my parents and Alya, and the four of you can keep me from losing myself, got it?"

Tikki kissed her cheek. "Got it," she said.

Marinette smiled at her and went to pick out an outfit for breakfast. She understood their concern. Really, she did. She couldn't remember much about the time directly following Adrien's death, but the memories she did have weren't pretty. The Marinette of those days had been a shell, hollowed out of joy and love and laughter and filled with quiet despair. She'd spoken little, ate less than she spoke, stared blankly, and moved like someone in tremendous amounts of physical agony. And whenever she'd caught herself behaving normally, even when it was something as trivial as humming a song she liked, she'd grow angry and retreat into her pain for days.

Her parents, her friends… none of them wanted to see her like that again. They didn't deserve to suffer through it a second time, and she had no intention of letting them.

Marinette showered and dressed, put on a little bit of makeup and swept her hair up into a ponytail. At its present length, she preferred to wear it down, but didn't have time to make it presentable. When she'd finished getting ready, she grabbed the engagement ring that she'd carefully removed the night before and made her way downstairs with Tikki nestled in her purse and a few minutes to spare.

Nathanael stood by one of the bakery tables, wearing an enormous smile. On the table were two slices of cake. "Surprise!" he said.

Marinette approached the table with a cautious smile of her own. She recognized the cake: it was the one her parents had made for the engagement party. "What's this all about?"

Nathanael shrugged. "I figured a perfectly good cake shouldn't go to waste just because the party ended on a less than pleasant note." He motioned for her to sit. "So why not celebrate together, just the two of us?"

Marinette giggled and took the seat across from his. "Where do all your good ideas come from? You should let me borrow them sometime," she said. "And not that I'm complaining about cake for breakfast, but maybe we should eat real food after this?"

"The cake is only the first course," Nathanael assured her. He handed her a dessert spoon, provided by her parents, no doubt. "Cheers."

Marinette tapped her spoon against his before digging in. The cake was delicious, but its deliciousness only stirred up her guilt again. They could have eaten it the night before. They could have had a perfectly nice evening if it hadn't been for her. She looked up at Nathanael, wondering if he harbored similar thoughts, but the only emotion she could read on his face was serenity. She couldn't help smiling at that. He hadn't been half so serene in the days of Hawkmoth and akuma attacks.

Nathanael caught her staring. "What?"

"Thanks for trying to cheer me up," she said. "And I'm really sorry about last night. Again."

He shook his head. "It's in the past. My mother is… well, she'll get over it. But what's important now is that we set a wedding date that  _both_ of us feel good about."

Marinette chewed a bite of cake thoughtfully. An ideal wedding date would be anytime after she came back from New York. But so much could happen during her time abroad—so much inspiration could be gathered—that she'd probably want a few weeks after her return to incorporate any changes. She opened her mouth to make the suggestion when the ring of the bakery's front door bell drew her attention to the imposing female figure standing at the entrance.

Marinette recognized her even before she pulled off her designer sunglasses. "Lila?" she blurted out. Nathanael turned and looked as well.

Lila Rossi's head whipped in their direction, and she broke into a smile as sunny as the morning. "Marinette!" she cried. "And Nathanael, too? Talk about killing two birds with one stone!" She rushed towards them and embraced Marinette before she could make it out of her chair. "Please, don't get up on my account. Nathanael can stand, though. It's the gentlemanly thing to do."

Nathanael stood and endured two cheek kisses. "Nice to see you too, Lila."

Marinette leaned over, dragged a third chair to their table, and gestured for Lila to sit. "What are you doing in Paris? I thought I wasn't going to see you until next month!"

After the Volpina incident, in a strange turn of events, Marinette had ended up befriending Lila. She figured that someone who felt included wouldn't have to makes things up so she could be included, and she'd been… partially right. But Lila had moved to New York after Adrien's death, and had dropped off the face of social media right after, so Marinette hadn't had any contact with her until she'd emailed out of the blue a few months ago.

Lila shed her coat. The foxtail  _Gabriel_  necklace that had once housed an akuma hung from her neck. "Well," she said, "turns out you're not the only one who's getting married soon." She held her left hand out for Marinette and Nathanael to see. A sizable diamond winked at them from her ring finger.

"Wow!" Nathanael cried. "Congratulations."

Lila beamed at him. "Thank you!" She sounded genuinely pleased. "My darling fiancé had a business trip to Paris this week, and I was worried about him because he was in this awful accident when he was younger that left him with a bad leg. So I figured I ought to accompany him. Besides, there's no better tour guide than the love of your life, right?"

Marinette shared a look with Nathanael that seemed to communicate the exact same thought: neither of them could imagine Lila dating a handicapped person. Unless, of course, there was something financially appealing about him, which the size of her engagement diamond seemed to confirm. "That's great," Marinette said. "I'm so happy for you. Do we get to meet your mysterious fiancé?"

"Not today, unfortunately. I tried to get him to come along with me, but he's such a workaholic. He refused to play hooky with me." Lila rolled her eyes. "But you'll get to meet him in New York, Marinette. He's in charge of the brand you're collaborating with."

Marinette blinked. "He is?"

Lila clapped her hands together. "Isn't it wonderful? It means I can come bother you at work! And steal you away for lunch, of course. There's no way I'm letting you leave New York without eating at all the hottest restaurants." A phone began to chirp and she searched her coat pockets until she found it. "It's my honey. Excuse me."

Nathanael sent Marinette another amused look. She grinned back.

"Felix!" Lila cried as if she hadn't seen her fiancé in years, her cheeks flushed with pleasure. "Yes, I'm at the bakery now. Uh-huh. Of course I printed the boarding passes. And guess what? I went out and got you one of those memory foam neck pillows—yes it  _was_  necessary! You spent half the flight here complaining about neck cramps, which you wouldn't have had if you hadn't been hunched over your laptop for so long." She studied her fingernails. "Uh-huuuh. I'll bring you some sweets for lunch, okay? Love you too."

She ended the call. "Anyway, I'm glad I caught the both of you together. Marinette's told me so many good things about you, Nathanael, I just  _had_ to make sure you two were as happy as she said you were."

Nathanael gave Marinette's hand a squeeze. "Why wouldn't we be?" he asked.

Lila nodded her head as if the answer had satisfied her, then reached for her coat. "I should get going. I only stopped by to say hello and grab some pastries since I still have quite a few more people to see." She stood up and pushed her arm through the sleeves. "Marinette, have you found a place to stay in New York? Email me links to all the apartments you're looking at. I'll check them out for you and send back a detailed list of pros and cons, okay?"

"Oh. Yeah, thank you so much!" Marinette said, surprised by the generosity of Lila's offer. She turned her head for a goodbye kiss on the cheek, then watched Lila saunter off towards the bakery counter.

Nathanael leaned close. "And here I thought she'd mellow out with age," he whispered.

Marinette giggled and picked up her dessert spoon. Lila may have been somewhat of a handful, and not always kind or selfless, but her heart seemed to be in the right place, and Marinette found herself more excited for her trip to New York than ever. She would have an old friend to help her get adjusted and show her around the city. And not only that, but at least one of her coworkers would be someone Lila liked and trusted enough to marry.

With her mind and heart a little more at ease, Marinette enjoyed her engagement party cake, determined to forget the unpleasantness of the day before. She had a bright and exciting future to look forward to: a trip, a collaboration, and a wedding to top it all off.

As for the past, she would leave that where it belonged.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: As of last chapter, this fic has minor spoilers for ML season two. Like... spoilers from one episode. But I know there are people who want to avoid all spoilers, so it's only fair to give a heads up.
> 
> The comments donated to this fic will be used to reassure my anxious brain that rewriting this fic was a good idea.


	4. A New Beginning

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This update is almost as miraculous as the show itself.

In the month following the disastrous engagement party, Marinette's life returned to its normal rhythm. She made her travel preparations, corresponded with Lila to find the best temporary apartment New York City had to offer someone with her budget, visited the police as Ladybug to tell them she'd be out of town for a while, and most importantly, tried to make nice with Nathanael's mother. Though some would say there had been no improvement on that front, Tikki insisted that monosyllables and grunts were much better than complete silence. Marinette wasn't sure if she believed that.

With all the excitement leading up to her departure, she didn't get a chance to tell Nathanael she was Ladybug. Or perhaps she used the excitement as an excuse to avoid the difficult task altogether. The wedding wouldn't take place for another couple of months, so did Nathanael  _really_ have to know right away?

Her conscience said yes. She ignored it.

The morning of Marinette's flight found her standing by the airport security line with Alya, Nino, and a severely dejected Nathanael, who'd spent the better part of ten minutes glaring towards the terminals as if they were personally responsible for his misery. Marinette knew the separation would be harder on Nathanael than on her, who had the good fortune of being the one traveling. Her New York to-do list was so long that she wondered when she would even have time to miss her fiancé.

"…and you have to Skype me at  _least_ every two days, girl. I want to know everything: where you went, what you ate, how your coworkers are treating you and whether they've declared you a fashion genius already…" Alya had been talking for five minutes straight; either she planned to live vicariously through Marinette, or she was trying to distract herself from how much she would miss her best friend. Marinette guessed it was a little bit of both.

Nino put a hand over Alya's mouth. "What she's trying to say is that she hopes you have fun," he said, then pulled back his hand with a disgusted groan. "Did you just lick me?"

Alya rolled her eyes and threw her arms around Marinette. "He acts like he hasn't had my tongue in his mouth," she whispered.

"Be nice to your husband," Marinette whispered back. She squeezed Alya extra hard. "I promise I will not only Skype every couple of days, but I will take a million pictures of New York's superheroes when I see them."

As part of her Ladybug job, Marinette had also gotten in contact with the pair of Miraculous holders who protected New York City from Hawkmoth. Huntsman and Loba were young—just a few years older than Marinette had been when she'd become Ladybug. She looked forward to the opportunity to mentor them.

Nathanael stepped in and draped an arm over Marinette's shoulders. "Now Alya, I hope you aren't expecting my fiancé to run straight into danger the way you used to when we were kids."

Alya raised an eyebrow at Marinette, who in turn shifted her gaze to the floor. She felt bad enough about not telling Nathanael her secret. She didn't need the guilt trip from her best friend, too. "I promise I'll only take pictures if I happen to be in the neighborhood of an akuma attack  _and_ in a safe hiding spot," she said. She remembered how nervous Nathanael had been in Paris's Hawkmoth days. Yet another reason she should have revealed her secret identity to him: to ease his troubled mind.

"Good," Nathanael said. "Because if you get hurt or akumatized, I'll be on the first flight to the city."

Marinette grinned at him. "Maybe I'll get akumatized just so you can visit me."

"Don't you dare." He kissed her forehead. "It's not fun, I promise."

"It really isn't," Nino said, and Alya walked over and put an arm around him. Marinette couldn't help but admire them. She had always aspired to a marriage like her parents', but she hadn't been around to see the complex beginnings of it. Alya and Nino's marriage, on the other hand, had weathered its fair share of storms right before her eyes, and everything that Alya learned became invaluable advice for Marinette.

She wondered what her own married life would be like. Hopefully not weighed down by secrets.

Marinette checked the time and sighed. "I guess I should get going," she said. Nathanael's arm tightened around her. She felt his reluctance in every part of his body that touched hers, and she loved him a little more for it. She gave him a peck on the lips. "Don't worry. I'll be fine."

Nathanael nodded and returned her peck with a firmer kiss. "Get in touch as soon as you can. Try not to wander around without Lila for a while so you don't get lost, and for the love of all that is good in this world, don't let her convince you to spend a fortune on our wedding."

Marinette laughed and hugged him as hard as she could, hoping to take the memory of his scent and his warmth and his security with her. She'd keep it front and center in her heart as a ward against the nightmares that masqueraded themselves as pleasant dreams. "I'll be back before you know it," she said.

With one last hug for Alya and Nino, Marinette picked up her carryon luggage and headed for the security line. She felt Tikki tap on her hip twice: her signal that the coast was clear for her to sneak past the metal detectors. "Good luck," Marinette said. Her jacket pocket lightened. Tikki was on her own.

Before she handed over her boarding pass, she looked back the way she'd come. Nathanael, Alya, and Nino stood at a distance and waved at her with varying degrees of enthusiasm. Alya pointed to the camera on her cell phone. Nathanael gave her a sad smile. Marinette waved at them, then moved along.

Towards the terminals. Towards New York City and the promise of a new and exciting adventure.

 _When I come back_ , she thought,  _I'll be ready to marry you, Nath. I promise_.

x.x.x

Marinette spent most of the flight sleeping, more out of self-defense than actual exhaustion. Her secret identity wasn't the only thing she hadn't told Nathanael before she left. To that day, he still didn't know the real reason she'd run out on their engagement party.

She hadn't told him about seeing "Adrien."

And why should she? Even if she hadn't imagined the whole thing, it still meant she'd stalked a perfect stranger onto the metro and followed him halfway across town. Sane people didn't do things like that. All she would accomplish by telling Nathanael was to convince him that she needed psychological help. And she didn't need psychological help.

Did she?

When Marinette wasn't napping, she took pictures of the ocean below, the horizon ahead, and the deep blue sky above. Part of her still couldn't believe that the next morning would find her in an unfamiliar bed in an unfamiliar apartment in an unfamiliar city in a foreign country. No matter how much she'd tried to get used to the idea, she still couldn't wrap her head around it.

She'd left Paris. The city of her birth. The place she loved most in the world. The place that had caused her so much pain.

Who would she become in New York, away from the constant reminders of her past? Would she finally find the strength to move on and leave the memory of Adrien behind? No more dreams, no more falling apart over strangers who looked like him?

The rest of the flight she spent doing crossword puzzles with Tikki, who hid in her scarf and whispered which word went in which row of boxes. When the plane began its descent, Marinette glued herself to the window and watched the United States come into view. Judging by the bright sun and the clouds too sparse to interrupt it, New York was in for a beautiful day.

The plane landed smoothly. It took a short eternity to taxi, and Marinette's heart beat faster as the moment to disembark grew nearer. Lila had promised to pick her up at the airport and deliver her straight to her apartment building, then take her out for a proper New York culinary welcome tour. Marinette wasn't sure what that entailed, but she was hungry enough not to care.

Unfortunately for her empty stomach, getting through security held her up a substantial amount. She stood in line with people who spoke more languages than she'd ever heard gathered in one place and tried not to gawk at everything. The last thing she wanted to do was give off a tourist vibe—though she hardly thought she would be in New York long enough to feel like anything but a tourist.

Once she'd assured the airport staff that she was not in the country illegally, she picked up her bags and headed for the exit. She felt a reassuring weight sink into her pocket: Tikki had joined her again. "Okay," she said as she stepped out of the building and into the cold afternoon, "where do we find Lila?"

Before Tikki could answer, the sound of breaking glass and crunching metal made several people stop and look around. Panicked screams filled the air. Pedestrians began to run, and drivers abandoned their cars in the middle of the road. Marinette put a protective hand over her pocket and ran in the opposite direction of the fleeing crowd.

A moving mountain of luggage with glowing red eyes blocked outbound traffic. " _ **You've lost my luggage for the last time!**_ " it howled before stretching out an arm-like appendage and punching a hole through the airport wall.

Marinette huffed. "Really? I just got here!"

"Looks like a job for Ladybug!" Tikki said with far more enthusiasm than Marinette felt. But before Marinette could say the magic words, a voice called her name.

Lila, wearing a fashionable overcoat and Burberry scarf, hid behind a taxi cab a few cars back, waving her over. Marinette looked at her, then back at the akuma victim, then back at Lila. It had been so long since she'd fought a magical being that she couldn't think of a proper excuse to run away and transform. She had no choice but to run to Lila, who grabbed her by the arms and hauled her off in the same direction everyone else had gone.

"Well!" Lila cried after they'd put suitable distance between themselves and the akuma victim. "Welcome to New York!"

Marinette couldn't help but laugh at that. "Is the airport going to be okay?" she asked. Everything within her screamed to find a place to ditch Lila, then go back and put a stop to the attack.

"Oh sure! It isn't the first time and it won't be the last!" Lila stopped and pointed into the distance. "See? Help has arrived already."

Marinette spotted a small gray figure bounding over seemingly impossible distances: Loba, one of New York City's Miraculous holders. While Lila kept dragging her away, Marinette watched as the young superhero landed on a cab with such force that it put a crater in the roof and blew out the windows. Loba's power, Master Fu had told her, was super strength. A pair of gray ears twitched on top of her head. Her suit was made mostly of black armor, but the arms and legs were thick patches of gray fur that ended in lethal claws.

"What seems to be the trouble, good citizen?" Loba yelled at the luggage monster, who turned to face her with a roar. But that was all Marinette got to see before she stumbled over someone's abandoned suitcase and reminded herself she was supposed to be running away.

A group of people had gathered a safe distance from the action. Now that their panic had subsided, they grumbled about their own lost luggage, missed meetings, and other delays caused by the akuma attack. As Marinette and Lila stopped to catch their breath, Marinette listened to the talk around her and translated the English as best as she could.

"What rotten luck. Eight months without an attack on JFK and now this!"

"They weren't even finished making the repairs from last time!"

"How in the world is Paris still standing after all their akuma attacks?"

Lila didn't seem to be paying half as much attention to the surrounding chatter. She pulled a mirror out of her designer handbag and fixed her bangs. "We should be fine here while Spider Kid and Wolf Girl do their thing." She snapped the mirror shut, then gave Marinette a tight hug. "I'm so happy you're here! I hope you don't have any serious plans for today, because I have got a jam-packed itinerary for the afternoon. Sightseeing, restaurants—did the airline feed you at all? Poor thing, you must be starving!"

Marinette's stomach growled, but she could hardly think about that. Back in the tunnel, Loba seemed to be toying with the luggage monster. She jumped around various pieces of it while it swung at her in frustration, and then, to Marinette's amazement, she kicked a taxi cab straight into the monster's face.

"There's Huntsman!" a voice cried just as a white sticky thread bound one of the monster's arms to the top of the traffic tunnel.

Loba seized the opportunity to jump in and slice open a carryon bag close to the monster's mouth. A familiar purple butterfly darted out of the bag, only to end up caught in a web. Marinette watched as a tall figure in a light brown superhero suit dropped down from the ceiling of the tunnel and collected the trapped butterfly, then inspected the surrounding damage, then turned to Loba, who scuffed the asphalt with her foot in what was clearly a sheepish gesture. Huntsman reached out and ruffled her hair.

Marinette's heart ached.

A hand landed on her shoulder. "Hey," Lila said, "show's over. Let's get your stuff and leave before the police show up and make the traffic even worse."

"Sure," Marinette said. She watched the two superheroes help the formerly akumatized man walk off to the side of the road, and her traitorous mind took her back to the times she and Chat Noir had done the same thing.

Perhaps it wouldn't be so easy to leave the past behind after all.

x.x.x

On their way through Queens, Lila pointed out half a dozen landmarks that Marinette wasn't sure she could have kept straight even if her English had been perfect. "And Brooklyn is  _full_ of great restaurants," she continued as the taxi labored its way through traffic. "My darling was a bit skeptical at first, but he knows that I have an eye and an ear for new trends so in the end, he trusted my judgment. He trusts me on a lot of things, you know. Good relationships  _have_  to be built on trust. But I'm sure you know all about that, being engaged to Nathanael and all."

Marinette smiled at Lila and hoped none of her guilt showed through. "Right," she said.

"How is Nathanael doing anyway? Sabrina told me the two of you were going to get married before you came to New York, but I don't see a wedding ring."

Marinette looked down at her hands. Lila was as shrewd as always. "We decided to postpone it until after my trip. It's nothing serious, I just wasn't as ready as I thought I was, and the timing wasn't great…"

"Right," Lila said in a strange tone, then turned her attention back to the front of the cab. "No, you're absolutely right. Bad timing will set the tone for the rest of the marriage and you don't want that. It's why Felix and I haven't been able to decide on a date for our wedding. Things just keep getting in the way!" She laughed it off, but Marinette knew Lila well enough to know when she was annoyed. She felt a little sorry for her. If she herself had been half as desperate to get married—

But that was dangerous thinking.

"Here comes the main event!" Lila cried, her cheer restored.

Marinette leaned forward to look out the front window and gasped. They were headed towards a bridge, and beyond that stood Manhattan with its cluster of skyscrapers against a backdrop of perfect blue sky. She had never seen anything like it before.

"It's even better up close," Lila said. "Paris has its own charms, but there's nowhere in the world quite like New York City." She grasped both of Marinette's hands. "I hope you love it here. I intend to make you love it here. You'll never be content to stay in Paris again by the time our tour is finished."

With New York being one of the biggest fashion centers of the world, Marinette knew there was a good chance that she would end up coming back someday. For the time being, she intended to spend as much free time as she had swinging from building to building, seeing the sights from a vantage point that she could only get as Ladybug. She wanted to soak in as much of that miraculous city as possible.

Lila's phone rang and she brought it to her ear with the speed of a businesswoman. "Yes? Oh, hi honey! We're crossing the Brooklyn Bridge right now."

Marinette tuned out Lila's conversation and nudged Tikki with her thumb. In return, Tikki tapped on her hand a number of times, spelling out  _hungry_ in Morse code, and Marinette smiled. They'd learned to communicate that way out of necessity; it had proven quite useful over the years.

"But you promised!" Lila's disappointed tone broke Marinette's concentration. She stuck out her bottom lip as if her fiancé could see her from wherever he was. "I know it's important, but so is eating. Did you even have breakfast this morning?"

Over the cab radio's music Marinette could just make out a deep male voice speaking in what sounded like French on the other end.

Lila huffed. "Fine. But we're only rescheduling. You won't get out of this dinner a second time, got it?" She hung up before her fiancé could answer. "That was Felix, bailing on us. I'd  _so_ wanted you to meet him today, but I guess it's just going to have to be us girls."

Marinette couldn't help but be a little disappointed herself. She was dying to see what kind of man Lila had consented to marry, if only so she could tell everyone back home about it.

Manhattan was just as crowded with pedestrian traffic as it was vehicular traffic. Men and women in suits, tourists in I Love NY t-shirts, fashionably dressed women, and kids in school uniforms all crisscrossed from one street to another, disappearing into stores and restaurants and other businesses. "Are there usually this many people, or is there something special going on today?" Marinette asked.

"Nope, this is the daily standard," Lila said. "Well, it's the  _new_ daily standard. There used to be a lot more people, but tourism is down thanks to Hawkmoth." She winked at Marinette. "No one wants to be akumatized on vacation, right?"

"Right," Marinette said. She could imagine the chaos of all these people stampeding away from an akuma attack. She'd hardly been able to get her mind off the one at the airport. Hunstman and Loba were the sole superheroes of this massive city, and neither of them had a Miraculous Cure to set everything right again. The damage caused by each akuma attack had to be repaired the old-fashioned way.

Marinette turned away from Lila to hide the grin on her face. For years, she'd had almost nothing to do as Ladybug. Nonmagical criminals never sliced the Eiffel Tower in half or tossed cars around like they were toys. Even though she'd continued to use the Miraculous Cure, she'd never really needed it.

But New York City needed it. They needed Ladybug. And for the next couple of weeks, they would have her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've had writer's block, y'all. For the first time in years! Therefore I can't make any promises about this fic's update schedule, but I'm hoping I've moved past it now.


	5. The Girl Who Can't Forget

As promised, once Marinette had somewhat settled into her apartment, Lila took her everywhere deemed worthy of going. They ate food so delicious Marinette wished she could teleport it to her friends and family in Paris, they stopped in clothing stores nicer than most night clubs, and if Marinette hadn't reminded Lila that she was jetlagged and had work in the morning, she might have been dragged to a Broadway musical.

The sun had set by the time she returned to her apartment, weighed down by shopping bags. She dropped them in the small kitchen and looked around. The place had come furnished, and featured exposed brick walls, a living area with a well-loved couch and coffee table, a fireplace, a cramped bedroom with an enormous bed, and one bathroom.

Tikki flew out of her pocket and darted around the living room. "Isn't this nice? It looks just like it did in the pictures!"

Marinette nodded. "Lila really did a good job with the apartment hunt," she said. She dug into the first shopping bag and pulled out a string of fairy lights. "But I think it could use a more personal touch, don't you agree?"

Between her and Tikki, they had the place decorated in less than an hour. A potted plant sat in the bedroom windowsill, the fairy lights hung around a pink and white board stuck with photos of Marinette's loved ones, the coffee table now rested on top of a colorful rug, and the bathroom boasted an autumn motif. Last but not least, Marinette placed the grinning cat plushie she'd brought with her from Paris on top of the bed.

"Done!" she announced. "Have you figured out the wifi yet, Tikki?"

"All plugged in!" Tikki said from the living room. "And not a moment too soon. You've already got messages from everyone!"

Marinette sent short replies to her parents, Alya, and Nathanael, promising to fill them in on everything later. Exhaustion had snuck up on her and she could barely keep her eyes open. She set her alarm for six in the morning, changed into her pajamas, and crawled into bed. Tomorrow was her first day of work, and the last thing she wanted was to look like a zombie in front of her collaboration partners.

Tikki settled on her chest. "When are we meeting Hunstman and Loba?" she asked.

"Tomorrow night." Marinette had set the date and time for that before she'd left Paris. With any luck, Hawkmoth would be too busy to akumatize anyone the next day. As excited as she was to get back into the swing of Ladybug things, she could use a magic-free morning.

x.x.x

Marinette's first day at work went smoothly. She met with the designer in charge and was introduced to the staff, who welcomed her with open arms, pizza, and a New York-themed gift basket. There wasn't a single unfriendly person on the design team. By the time she left in the afternoon, her face hurt from smiling.

She stopped at her apartment to drop off the gift basket and send long messages to everyone back home. Alya replied almost immediately, thrilled that Marinette's first and second day in New York had gone well. Nathanael promised to Skype her that night so she could tell him all about it in-somewhat-person. With that done, Marinette decided to test whether it was true or not that she could get anything delivered in New York City, and ordered Indonesian food from one place and dessert from another. Both arrived at her door within the hour.

"Tikki, it's been a day and I'm already having trouble remembering why I should go back to Paris," she said.

Tikki swallowed an enormous bite of cake. "You're getting married."

Marinette shrugged. "Me and Nath can do that here."

"It might be a little inconvenient for the people attending your wedding, though."

"Oh yeah," she said with a smile. The television was on for background noise. A weatherperson gestured at a radar that made no sense to Marinette.

"It's going to storm tonight," Tikki informed her.

Marinette dropped her empty takeout container into the trash. "Then we'd better get started on our New York City skyline patrol before we get rained out, huh?"

Twenty minutes later, Ladybug swung through the streets of Manhattan, making frequent stops to find things to swing from so she wouldn't end up plummeting to the concrete far, far below. She also took the time to check where she was. The map in her compact had adjusted to her new location, and she wondered if Tikki had changed it herself or done it magically.

"Times Square… Times Square… how far am I from that?" she murmured. She zoomed out on the map and saw a blip marking her destination a few streets away. "Thanks, Tikki!" She memorized the route, cast her yoyo, and leaped off the building. When she swung close enough to the ground, she heard exclamations from pedestrians and knew it was only a matter of time before the whole city found out she was there. Good. Let Hawkmoth sweat a little.

She heard someone call out to her the moment she reached Times Square.

"Ladybug! Over here!"

It was Loba, perched on the edge of the New York Times building. Marinette swung over and joined her.

She'd never seen Loba up close before, as neither she nor her partner were in the habit of taking photographs with the public. Despite the wolf getup and sharp teeth, she had a sweet, innocent face. A young face. Marinette had to remind herself that she hadn't even turned fourteen yet when she got her own superpowers.

"I am so excited you're here!" Loba squealed, her eyes large and round and tinted yellow by her mask. Then she remembered herself and cleared her throat. "I mean…  _bienvenue à New York!_ " she said in her best French accent.

"Thank you!" Marinette replied. "It's so nice to finally meet you."

Loba broke into another fit of squealing. The tail of her costume wagged furiously. "I should be saying that you! You're  _the_ Ladybug. The only Miraculous holder who can purify the akuma! The hero of Paris!"

"And you are the hero of New York. I think we can call it even," Marinette said, and Loba's eyes practically sparkled.

"Geez, Loba. Give her some space, would ya?"

On the other side of the roof stood Huntsman, newly arrived. He strolled up to them with the swagger of someone who knew they were cool and relished every second of it. Loba turned to him with a huff and folded her arms over her chest.

"Well if you hadn't been  _late_ , I wouldn't have had to make a fool of myself in front of Ladybug on my own!" she cried.

"So you admit that you would have made a fool of yourself whether I was here or not?"

"Quit putting words in my mouth, you insect!"

"Actually, I'm an—"

" _Arachnid_ , I know. And why are you making fun of me when you're the one who's late?"

Marinette stood by with a patient smile as the two of them bickered. There was no true hostility in it; Huntsman seemed to enjoy provoking Loba as much as she enjoyed retaliating, and by the end of the argument, a cheerful air surrounded them that almost made Marinette feel like an intruder on their evening.

"Sorry about that," Huntsman said, and held his hand out for Marinette to shake. "It's nice to meet you, Ladybug, and a huge honor to have you here."

Loba nodded no less than five times. "Rumor has it the mayor  _and_ the governor  _and_ the President of the United States want to set up a meeting with you! Isn't that awesome?"

Huntsman frowned at her. "Where do you keep getting this information?"

Loba pointed her nose into the air. "I have my sources."

Marinette held her hands up. "Hold on. The mayor, the governor,  _and_ the President? That's a lot of important people, and my civilian life…" It was bad enough that she'd have to come up with excuses to leave work if there was an akuma attack. What in the world would she tell the design team?  _Sorry, I have to leave early today, I'm shaking hands with the president of your country._

"Oh, right." Loba's expression turned thoughtful. "I forgot about that."

Huntsman draped an arm over her shoulder. "She may seem scatterbrained, but Loba's a whiz at scheduling. She handles all our publicity stuff. Not sure how, but it's not my kind of job, so I'm glad she does it."

Marinette smiled. "Chat Noir used to schedule most of our public appearances, too. I had a tendency to be late or schedule things on days when I was already busy…" She trailed off when she noticed them both staring at her. "Did I say something wrong?"

Loba snapped out of it. "No! Not at all. It's just nice hearing you talk about Chat Noir," she said.

"I used to love him when I was a kid," Huntsman said. "Thought he was the coolest guy on the planet." He lowered his gaze. "That was messed up, losing him like that." His arm tightened around Loba as if to say that he couldn't imagine not having her by his side, and Marinette was left momentarily stunned.

It had been such a long time since she'd spoken to anyone about Chat Noir as Ladybug, and certainly not anyone who understood what she'd been through from a hero's perspective. She'd lost her partner. The one person in Paris who could relate to the struggle of living a double life. Her constant companion on patrols. Her sword and her shield in battles. Her best friend. She looked at Loba and Huntsman standing together, so young, so fond of each other, and she desperately hoped they would never have to go through what she did. "I'll be in New York for a while," she said, "so if you'd ever like to hear stories about Chat Noir, I have a ton of them."

"We couldn't ask you to do that," Loba said with a panicked glance at Huntsman.

"It's okay. I think it would make him happy, having someone to brag about all his feats for him." After so much time, Marinette still couldn't reconcile that Chat Noir attitude with mild-mannered Adrien, but she'd learned to accept it. The quiet and polite boy that she'd crushed on throughout middle school had been hiding the personality of a clown. If anything, it had only made her love him more.

The tension went out of the younger superheroes. Their expressions turned eager. "If it doesn't bother you…"

"It doesn't bother me. I promise." But Marinette wasn't so sure about that. Would talking about Adrien make it easier for her to forget? Had talking about Adrien  _ever_ made it easier for her to forget?

She spent another hour with Loba and Hunstman. They showed her shortcuts to all the city's major sightseeing destinations, told her stories about the wackiest akuma they'd ever fought, and finally, Huntsman brought her a box sealed with magical talismans and filled with all the butterflies they had purified over the last couple of weeks.

Marinette—admittedly showing off a little—captured all the butterflies in one go and released a purified swarm of them into the city. Superheroes and passerby alike were dazzled by the display of magic. She even sensed through her suit that Tikki was happy in a way she hadn't been in a long time.

Marinette watched the butterflies take off into the night, dotting the sky like stars. If her time in New York would be filled with enchanting evenings like this one, she'd fall head over heels for the city in no time.

x.x.x

" _I can't believe Ladybug showed up in New York! It's all the morning news has been able to talk about,_ " Nathanael said. " _Do you think she's there to fight Hawkmoth?_ "

Marinette gave him a sleepy smile. "Who knows? Maybe she's on vacation."

Six hours separated New York and Paris. On Nathanael's Skype screen Marinette saw the light of dawn spilling in through the window behind him. The time on her laptop read midnight, and though she was tired from her superhero romp around Paris, she fought to stay awake so she could have a few minutes with her fiancé. Nathanael must have noticed her exhaustion, though, because the next thing he said was, "I think I'll let you go to bed."

"No! Five more minutes. I can do this," she said, even as she hid a yawn behind her hand.

Nathanael shook his head. " _Far be it from me to rob you of your beauty sleep. Not that you need it_."

Marinette stuck her tongue out at him. "You charmer."

He laughed and waved goodbye to her. "Sweet dreams, Marinette. Fill me in on the rest tomorrow, okay?"

Marinette sighed, closed her laptop, and laid it on the floor beside her bed. Sweet dreams. What she wouldn't give for those. With any luck, she'd be too tired to have any dreams at all.

She clicked off the nightstand lamp and settled into bed, listening to the apartment's ambient noises. The radiator. The ticking wall clock in the kitchen. A distant horn from the street below. Tikki's light snores.

It wouldn't be fair of her to drop the Ladybug bomb on Nathanael from an entire ocean away. If she did tell him—and she  _would_ tell him, eventually, when the time was right—she'd do it in person. He deserved that much from her.

Her eyelids grew heavy. She turned onto her side. The cat pillow leered at her in the dark.

She was sixteen again.

Chat Noir withdrew his hand from their customary fist bump and sighed, his breath clouding in the cold air. "Is it just me or are these akuma getting stronger?" He rubbed the back of his neck and surveyed their surroundings. Ladybug looked too.

The condemned building.

"Chat," she said, "we shouldn't be in here."

But he didn't seem to hear her. "You're down to one spot, My Lady." She could tell he was trying hard not to sound disappointed. "Go ahead. I'll take care of the victim."

Ladybug shook her head. "You need to leave. This building is going to collapse any second now."  _And_ , she thought as pain and panic mounted inside of her,  _I want to kiss you again._ Her heart twisted like a trapped animal _. I want you to know who I am._

A loud crack ripped the very sky asunder.

Marinette jolted upright, her body covered in sweat as the apartment shook with a boom of thunder. Rain pelted her window in the gray light of dawn. She ran a shaking hand through her hair and took a deep, steadying breath. To her left, the cat pillow lay askew, grinning at the ceiling.

x.x.x

Marinette arrived at work shivering and wet despite the black umbrella clutched in her hand. According to Tikki, it had been raining most of the night, and aggressively at that. Marinette shook water off her umbrella and stuffed it into one of the plastic bags waiting by the door of the building. Her coworkers gave her sympathetic looks as she approached.

"Rough morning?"

"Yes," she said in her French-accented English. "Very rough."

She was cold. She'd been cold from the moment she woke up. It took her hours to warm up after dreams about Adrien, and she asked herself, not for the first time, if it might be her body's way of telling her she needed professional help. But if she started seeing a therapist, people would ask questions.  _Nathanael_  would ask questions. And she refused to worry him like that.

A woman named Rochelle passed Marinette a coffee cup and she smiled at her gratefully. "Sorry to say it's not going to get much better," she said. "The CEO is on his way here."

The CEO. Lila's fiancé. From what Marinette had gathered, he was more businessman than designer, and from what her coworkers had said, not the friendliest person in the world. He did all of his hiring through his secretary, and let the designers have free reign and collaborate with whoever they wanted as long as he approved their final designs. The rest of his time he spent elsewhere.

"Are we in trouble?" Marinette asked.

"Nah, he probably wants to meet you." Her face must have expressed her apprehension because Rochelle put a comforting hand on her shoulder. "Relax! It's just a formality."

Marinette let out a weak giggle, then whipped out her phone to doublecheck the translation of the word "formality." Ah. She relaxed a little more. If only someone had told her the CEO was coming in before she'd left for work. She could have picked a nicer outfit to wear, not her professional clothing equivalent of sweatpants.

The morning went by. Autumn rain continued to drench the city. Marinette noticed that the design team was more industrious than normal: less jokes, more output. She followed their example and kept to herself until the CEO's no-nonsense secretary appeared to escort her to the office.

It was empty when they arrived, and Marinette let out a sigh of relief. She had time to prepare herself. "Have a seat," the secretary said in perfect French, "he'll be in shortly."

The door shut. Marinette stood awkwardly in front of an empty chair, too nervous to sit. She wished she'd brought her coat along: Tikki was nestled in one of the pockets and could have given her a reassuring pep talk. She settled for observing. The office, sparsely decorated, gave off the impression that whoever it belonged to was just as no-nonsense as the secretary. No personal furnishings. A few design books. A shelf lined with awards reminded Marinette of the reason she'd agreed to collaborate with the brand in the first place.

She stood straighter and summoned courage from her inner Ladybug. What was she getting all bent out of shape for? This was Lila's fiancé. He couldn't be  _that_ unpleasant. And as owner and operator of her own brand, wasn't Marinette on equal footing with him? She was a guest, not a servant. The moment he walked in, she'd give him her best first impression and her firmest handshake.

The door swung open. Marinette turned, confident business smile in place.

The air left her lungs.

Blood drained from her face.

Her heart stuttered painfully.

The entire world tilted on its axis and she swayed on her feet.

Adrien Agreste stood across the room, alive and well.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next time on Winter Sonata: a flashback chapter.
> 
> Come bother me on Tumblr (geek-fashionista)!


	6. Fragments of Sorrow

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> We now travel back in time to Adrien's death and the aftermath...

Sixteen-year-old Marinette had had no warning. The condemned building was just a condemned building, Chat Noir's comment on the akuma a part of their routine, the lingering snow nothing more than a reminder of the fact that they'd kissed and now they had to talk about it.

They  _really_ had to talk about it. Marinette hadn't seen Chat Noir since the day of the snow, and she'd spent half the week tossing and turning, the pressure of his lips on hers burned into her skin like an afterimage she couldn't blink away. The thought of seeing him again filled her stomach with more butterflies than Hawkmoth had ever produced. And now the moment had arrived, and her earring wouldn't stop beeping.

"You're down to one spot, My Lady." Chat Noir's disappointment at their limited time together mirrored her own. Their chance to talk, ruined. But they still had patrol that night, Marinette remembered. Everything they needed to say could be said then. "Go ahead." Chat Noir waved her away. "I'll take care of the victim."

 _Crack_.

Thunder. It was the only comparison Marinette had for the sound. A thunderclap, a building roar, a boom that shook the foundations of the building. Debris fell like snow and scattered sickly gray powder all over her suit. In one horrible moment, she realized what was happening. She looked at Chat Noir. He looked back. The blood had drained from his face.

They ran.

Floor and ceiling caved in around them. Windows exploded. Shrapnel sliced Marinette's unprotected skin. Dust choked her. She couldn't think. Couldn't tell up from down. Her body had been taken over by pure animal fear and the only response left to her was run, run, run.

A hand landed on her back. She screamed. One hard shove and she hit the ground as a massive weight came down on the vacated spot behind her. She crawled forward, desperate to escape.

Then pain exploded in her skull and everything went black.

x.x.x

She woke up to Tikki's frantic cries. In the darkness, her kwami's glowing form darted around her head. Marinette lay still. Dust swirled in what little gray daylight penetrated the mountains of debris that had sheltered her from certain death. She found herself trapped in a small alcove, surrounded on all sides by destruction, and a word floated to the surface of her mind: lucky. She'd been so lucky.

Sirens wailed. She heard voices—bystanders, muffled and distant. They asked if anyone could hear them, and Marinette opened her mouth to reply, only to cough up dust. Her stomach hurt. How much of that stuff had she swallowed?

But she had to get their attention somehow. She had to tell them where she was. She had to…

 _Chat Noir_.

Marinette pulled herself up as best she could, dizzy, disoriented, pain stabbing at various parts of her body in tandem. Tikki flew into her chest. "Don't move," she cried, "you could be seriously hurt!"

"Chat Noir," Marinette croaked. She'd run so fast. Hadn't even turned to make sure he followed. But Tikki pushed her back down, surprisingly strong for such a little thing. She curled up on Marinette's chest and wept and apologized and Marinette didn't understand why. "I'm okay, Tikki," she said, though she imagined the faintness of her voice couldn't be very reassuring. "Go and find Chat Noir."

"Marinette…"

"Please. I need to know that he's okay."

Tikki stayed put a few more seconds, then wiped her eyes, sniffled, and flew away. Marinette felt something trickle down the side of her face. She tried to lift her hand, but her right arm wouldn't move, so she used her left instead. Her fingers came away bloody.

And for the first time since she'd regained consciousness, panic set in. Her breathing quickened. Concrete and twisted metal were everywhere she looked. Her body hurt in too many places. She had a head wound. Was she bleeding internally? She couldn't breathe. Chat Noir. She needed Chat Noir.

And then Tikki was back, and Marinette heard voices directly above her.

"Help…!" she whispered, followed by a series of coughs. The voices became cries of excitement.

"Don't worry! We'll have you out soon!" someone shouted.

"Are you hurt?"

"Tell us your name!"

Tears blurred Marinette's vision. "Please—find Chat Noir! Chat Noir is here too!"

"Help is on the way!" someone else yelled down at her, and her panic and frustration mounted. Had they heard her at all? She couldn't ask Tikki if she'd found Chat Noir; the rescuers would wonder who she was talking to.

So she stayed put. Tried to slow her breathing. Tried to stay conscious and focused while the rescue workers dug her out. Her mouth was dry. She needed water. Everything hurt. She wanted her parents. But all she could do was wait.

When the rescue workers had cleared away enough debris to reach her, paramedics quickly took their place. Lights were flashed in Marinette's eyes. Questions came from every direction. She ignored them. "Please look for Chat Noir," she said when they asked for her name and the current date. "He saved me from an akuma. He was here." She kept telling them to look for Chat as they strapped her into a gurney. Frustration brought tears to her eyes. Why were they asking her so many stupid questions when her partner was still in the building? Didn't they understand how important he was to her?

They took her to the hospital. More questions. Needles jabbed her skin. Something cold seeped into her body and Marinette lost consciousness.

She woke up to the sight of her horrified parents standing at the edge of her hospital bed. The sun had gone down. A cast encased her right arm. She was still in pain, but not as much as before; she guessed the IV in her arm had something to do with that.

Alya and Nino stood near the door. Poor Alya was crying like someone had died.

Her parents asked her general questions: How had she ended up in the building? Did she remember anything about the collapse? Was she in a lot of pain? Did she need the doctor? In turn, Marinette asked them general questions: Who had called them? How injured was she? Would she have to stay in the hospital a long time, or would she be able to go home soon?

"Marinette," her father said after a lapse in the conversation, "was Adrien Agreste in that building with you?"

Marinette's brow furrowed. What a weird thing to ask. "No. Why would he be?" She lowered her gaze to her bruised hands, to the IV taped to her skin, but quickly looked away. "Chat Noir and the akuma victim were there. Ladybug left right before it happened."  _Nice save_ , she complimented herself. "But no… not Adrien. Why?"

Her parents wore matching stricken expressions. Marinette looked from them to Alya, sobbing into Nino's shirt, and Nino, crying into her hair. Something clicked. She lifted her good hand to the thick bandage near her temple. "Did, uh…"  _Everything_ clicked. Her heart burned in her aching chest. She tasted bile in the back of her throat and had to take several breaths before she could speak without throwing up. "Did they find Chat Noir?" Her voice came out a whisper. "Is Chat Noir all right?"

Tears spilled down Sabine's cheeks. "Sweetie…"

Marinette shook her head. "They found him, right?" Her hands trembled. She tried to picture Chat Noir but all that came to her mind was Adrien. "He was right behind me." Adrien making stupid cat puns. Adrien picking her up off the ground and sprinting away from danger. "He couldn't have been very far." Adrien's fist bumping her fist. Adrien's lips against her lips. "Please tell me they found him."

Tom wrapped her up in his enormous arms. "They found him," he said.

Marinette nodded, shivered, and spoke no more.

x.x.x

" _It is with a heavy heart that we bring you this news. Chat Noir, one of Paris's beloved superheroes, has died in a building collapse…"_

"… _revealed to be Adrien Agreste, son of fashion designer Gabriel Agreste. His body was found in…"_

"… _waited until his identity could be confirmed before…"_

"… _he was seventeen years old."_

x.x.x

Two days after the building collapse, a clean-up crew tasked with removing the debris from the site was interrupted when Ladybug landed in the midst of them. She spoke to no one. Her left hand balled into a tight fist, then she lunged at the pile of concrete and metal and began lifting things twice her size, throwing them aside, digging where there were smaller clumps and dust.

"Chat Noir!" she yelled as she used her entire body to heave aside a concrete slab. Stupid, useless right arm. "Chat Noir!"

The clean-up crew watched, amazement at her strength overpowered by grief and horror. Some looked away. They powered down the machines, removed their hardhats, and shed a few tears of their own as Paris's only remaining superhero fell apart in front of them.

Ladybug swayed on her feet. Her suit was covered with dust. " _Adrien!_ " she shrieked at the gray, snow-laden sky.

Her knees buckled. She collapsed, drew them to her chest, and filled the dusty air with howls of agony. The head of the clean-up crew silently approached and draped a blanket over her shoulders, then backed away.

No more work got done.

x.x.x

Half an hour later, Ladybug had fallen silent, but her sullen gaze remained on the pile of broken concrete in front of her. Perhaps if she waited long enough. If she just gave him a little bit more time.

"…of the Ladyblog. Let me talk to her."

He could still crawl out of there. How many paw pads had been left on his ring? He'd taken harder hits in the past. Why should an inanimate object be the thing that bested him in the end?

Someone sat beside her. She wished they would leave her alone. Chat Noir—Adrien—was still in there, and if they just  _waited_  a bit longer…

"Marinette?"

It was a question. A loaded question voiced quietly enough to keep the clean-up crew from hearing. Ladybug turned her head and stared into the eyes of her best friend as they were filled with recognition, then pain, then determination.

"We need to get you back to the hospital," Alya whispered.

Ladybug went without a fight.

From there, Marinette's memory became fuzzy. She made it to the hospital, though she wasn't sure how. The doctors wanted to know how she'd snuck out of the building without being caught by surveillance, but she didn't answer them. She sat in her room, silent and still, while Tikki introduced herself to her parents and Alya, and explained that Marinette had not just lost the boy she had a crush on, but her partner and best friend as well.

Alya refused to go home that night. She stayed by Marinette's side, drifting in and out of sleep, watching TV or typing away on her laptop.

It would take months for Marinette to remember to thank Alya for that.

x.x.x

Adrien's funeral was a private affair for family and friends only.

Marinette, still recovering from her injuries, did not go. She lay catatonic on her bed for three days with Tikki curled up beside her, radiating warm magic.

Chat Noir's memorial service was different. People came from all over France and other parts of the world to attend. A procession of thousands marched through the city to the Eiffel Tower, some holding candles, others flowers. There were the occasional glimpses of Ladybug swinging from rooftop to rooftop beside them.

The Champ de Mars, where a little more than a week ago citizens had watched their superheroes chase each other in gales of laughter, filled to capacity with mourners. Those who were close enough saw the red of Ladybug's costume among the beams of the Eiffel Tower.

Mayor Bourgeois spoke. Jagged Stone performed a newly written song about the sacrifices heroes made, and expressed his condolences to Paris and to Ladybug. Prayers were said. Then the torrent of people came forward to lay down their flowers, their candles, their Chat Noir dolls and homemade trinkets. Children shouted up to Ladybug that they loved her.

But she did not come down from the Tower, and no one blamed her for it.

x.x.x

Before Gabriel Agreste left for the United States, his assistant Nathalie visited the Dupain-Cheng bakery. She approached Marinette—seated on the living room sofa with red-rimmed eyes and pale countenance—and presented her with a sky-blue scarf and a string of colorful beads. "What I did was unacceptable," she said. "I hope that in time you may forgive me."

Marinette took them with a wordless nod.

She slept with the scarf wrapped around her neck until Adrien's lingering scent finally faded.

x.x.x

For months, Marinette went through life as if she had become a ghost herself. She attended school but would zone out for entire class periods, and her grades plummeted until Nino started recording lectures for her. She avoided her other friends, too. She couldn't stand watching them smile and move on while she spent her days in a never-ending hell.

Strangely enough, one of the only people who sympathized with her during that time was Chloe. She snapped at everyone else to leave Marinette alone, and even invited her out to lunch sometimes, though they rarely spoke a word to each other.

"I'm going to start volunteering," Chloe confided in her one afternoon. "At shelters and soup kitchens and things like that. And I probably won't like it, but… if Adrien could be a hero then so can I."

And to everyone's surprise, she went through with it. When they graduated high school, Chloe got on a plane and left to do humanitarian work in a third world country. She came back a year later, created no less than ten educational and artistic scholarships, got into college, and began studying to become the next Mayor of Paris.

x.x.x

Marinette could not pinpoint the exact moment that she started getting better. The gaps in her memory gradually filled in. She started sewing again. She could laugh and not feel guilty for laughing, eat food and not feel guilty for enjoying it, focus on schoolwork and not feel guilty for planning a future when Adrien no longer had one. Her days became full again. She took time to appreciate the sensation of raindrops on her skin, the softness of flower petals, the antics of the pigeons in the park, the overall experience of life in Paris.

She'd grown closer to Nathanael in high school, and after graduation he often swung by the bakery to ask for artistic advice or just talk about things. Then those talks turned into more intentional outings. Then Marinette caught her heart speeding up when he walked through the door one day, and a whole new kind of guilt assaulted her.

She could live without Adrien, fine. She could protect Paris without him, fine. But could she love someone else when Adrien had died loving her—when, in theory, he would never stop loving her?

Nathanael must have sensed her reluctance because he never pressed the subject. He was kind to her. Patient with her. He waited for her to come to him when she was ready.

And perhaps she would never be ready. Not really. If hearts could indeed be sliced up and given away, Adrien had taken a large part of hers to his grave.

But Adrien wasn't coming back. The wreckage of the building was gone, a memorial park built in its place; he would not be crawling out of it. The snow had melted, fallen, melted and fallen and melted several times over; he would not be meeting her at the Champ de Mars again. He would not show up at patrol one night to pick up where they'd left off.

And Marinette, who had her whole life ahead of her, could not keep waiting for him.

x.x.x

On the tenth anniversary of Adrien's death, Alya called Marinette and told her she wanted to put something together in his memory. She asked if Ladybug would like to say a few words.

Marinette was okay. She'd pulled herself together, finished high school, then went on to a fashion design program and graduated with honors. Her brand took off. She had Nathanael. Hawkmoth had become someone else's problem.

So she agreed to speak in Adrien's honor. It was the least she could do for Paris. In the days following the accident, she'd been too wounded to say anything. She'd released no statements. She'd given no press conferences or interviews. And out of respect for her and her grief, no one had asked her to. Ten years later and there existed no record of Ladybug's opinion on the subject of her partner's untimely death.

She assumed it would be easy. She'd been given enough time to heal. She thought she would sit in front of the camera, say a few nice things about Adrien and how much fun they'd had together, then go about her business as usual.

But as she stared at Alya's camera, every easy and nice thing she'd been planning to say vacated her mind. The pain, which she thought she had moved past, which she would have sworn was long behind her, welled up in her so sharp and fresh that she found it hard to breathe. And for a moment, she couldn't speak at all. She stared at the camera helplessly. Behind it, Alya mouthed a question:  _Do you want me to turn it off?_

Then Marinette remembered herself and began to talk. Her words, having been subdued for so long, were honest in a way she had never been with anyone.

And at the end of it all, she spoke directly to Adrien as if he were still there to hear her.

"I know you had feelings for me, Chat. And I know that you knew how I felt about you. But you deserved to hear it." She blinked back tears and smiled. "I'm sorry," she whispered, "I thought we had more time."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I thought this chapter wasn't going to make me cry again. I was wrong.
> 
> Deposit your tears in the Easter basket below and come bother me on Tumblr (geek-fashionista).


	7. Like Twins

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You know you need psychological help when...

Marinette couldn't breathe. She tried, but her heart seemed to have tripled in size, crushing her lungs, beating so hard that it hurt. Shivers racked her body.

Adrien. Adrien.  _Adrien_.

He was alive.

His eyes widened. He released the door handle and limped quickly to her side, and Marinette snapped out of her stupor long enough to notice that he was using a cane. "Are you all right?" His voice, deeper than she remembered—of course, they'd only been kids then—spoke in their native French. "I apologize. My fiancé warned me that you were acquainted with my late cousin. I thought she had spoken to you…"

Fiancé? Late cousin? What was he talking about?

Marinette looked at him.  _Really_  looked at him. He was Adrien. Older to be sure, but… something was different. More stern. Tired. No trace of the shy, amiable new student, or the happy-go-lucky superhero.

Her confusion must have shown on her face. He took a step back once he seemed satisfied that she wouldn't faint and stared her straight in the eye. "I am Felix Agreste," he said. "Adrien Agreste was my cousin."

Marinette almost laughed in his face and told him he wasn't. But the longer she looked at him, the more she began to doubt herself. She couldn't deny the resemblance. Nor could she deny the differences. The way he carried himself was all wrong. Too exact. Too perfect. Even the way he spoke, the inflections were nothing at all like Adrien's. And when she looked down at his right hand, there was no ring. No Miraculous. Not even a shadow of where a ring might have been. "I'm…" She found her voice at last. "I'm sorry, I…"

He gestured to the chair across from his desk. "Please sit. You are still too pale. Would you like a glass of water?"

Marinette nodded. Felix—not Adrien—called his secretary in and asked her to bring water for Ms. Dupain-Cheng. Marinette closed her eyes and focused on collecting herself. Humiliation made her itch under the skin. This was her boss, for goodness's sake. "I'm so embarrassed," she said.

"There is nothing to be embarrassed about." Felix took the glass of water from his secretary and handed it to Marinette. "If I thought I saw a departed friend come back to life again, I would be shocked as well." His tone offered no real reassurance. He didn't smile. "I was under the impression Lila had spoken to you about this already, or else I wouldn't have called you in today."

Marinette's mind reeled. How many hours had she spent hanging out with Lila in the last couple of days? And she hadn't bothered to tell her, " _Oh, by the way, I'm engaged to Adrien's cousin, who could easily pass as his twin?"_ Anger flickered dimly in the midst of her shock as she took a sip of water.

Felix sat behind his desk. "You've regained some of your color. How do you feel?"

Like the universe had played a terrible joke on her and she wanted nothing more than to bury her face in a pillow and scream. "I'm better now, thank you," she said. Better? What was better? Not this. Anything but this.

He gave her a cautious look. "Would you like to postpone this meeting? We can talk another time."

Marinette shook her head. "Now is fine." She put down her glass of water and forced herself to her feet and Felix, evidently raised like a gentleman, stood as well. She held her hand out to him. "It's good to meet you at last, Monsieur Agreste. I am Marinette Dupain-Cheng, and I'll be collaborating with your design team this season."

Felix grasped her hand firmly. "I've heard great things about you, Ms. Dupain-Cheng, both from my employees and my fiancé. The team is confident that with your help, they will put out an excellent collection."

"I won't let them down," Marinette said. All business. Make a good impression. Show confidence without being boastful.

Don't fall apart in front of the man who looked just like Adrien, but wasn't Adrien.

They sat down again. "What do you think of New York so far?" Felix asked. "Have you experienced any culture shock?"

She'd experienced  _some_  kind of shock, that was for sure. "It's a beautiful city. I think I might still be too new to my surroundings to be taken aback by cultural differences, but I'm bound to feel it at some point."

Felix nodded at that. "I was in Paris recently on a business trip—you met with Lila while we were there, I believe. Despite my French upbringing, I had never traveled to France before, so the cultural differences took me by surprise."

He'd been in Paris. Marinette fought back another wave of dizziness. Had Felix been the person she'd seen the night of her engagement party, the one she'd chased halfway across the city? He must have been. Only a man who looked so much like Adrien could have inspired that reaction in her. "Did you like Paris?" she asked.

"I loved Paris," Felix said, his tone filled with genuine warmth. "I'd like to go back again very soon."

They spoke for another few minutes about general topics and the work that was expected to go into the design collaboration. Marinette maintained her cool on the outside, but inside, her mind was in chaos. Adrien's cousin. Lila's fiancé. She thanked the situation for the chance to look him straight in the face, because otherwise she wouldn't have been able to take her eyes off him.

Similar, so very similar, but different. Felix didn't smile often, and when he did, it was the smile of someone who wasn't used to smiling. His manner was polite, but distant. He wore his hair longer than Adrien, and combed neatly, not boyishly swept off in every direction.

And then there was the cane.

 _He was in this awful accident when he was younger that left him with a bad leg_.

It had to have been a coincidence. Or wishful thinking. Adrien had died in the building collapse. His father had confirmed it, his secretary had confirmed it, the doctors had confirmed it, the news media had confirmed it, Marinette's schoolteachers had confirmed it. And no one had ever stepped forward to claim otherwise.

At the end of the brief interview, Felix grabbed his cane and escorted Marinette to the door of the office. "I apologize again for the scare you must have had," he said. "I don't know what Lila was thinking."

Marinette gave him her best reassuring smile. "It's all right. She probably just forgot in the excitement of showing me around the city," she said.  _Fat chance_ , she thought.

Lila may have moved away from Paris after Adrien's death, but she'd stuck around long enough to see how it had affected Marinette. She hadn't told her about Felix on purpose. What her motives could have been for omitting that information, Marinette couldn't guess, but Lila would have to talk to her again eventually, and she wouldn't be able to avoid the subject then.

Marinette didn't know how she made it through the work day after that. She couldn't remember half of it by the time she got home. Her thoughts were consumed by Felix Agreste, her body numb as she realized, for the thousandth time in the past twelve years, that her kitty cat was never coming back.

And the cruelty of having him alive for those few mistaken minutes, only to be snatched away from her again, was more painful than anything she had ever experienced.

x.x.x

Felix Agreste was not what anyone would call an emotional person. He had emotions, to be sure, but if there existed such a thing as the art of rational emotion, Felix had mastered it. His feelings were more like visitors than permanent residents of his body. When they came by, he could examine them from a safe distance, process them, and take the proper course of action before sending them on their way. He experienced every emotion like this. Even love.

As a consequence, Felix had a difficult time dealing with other people. It seemed as if the entire world experienced and reacted to their emotions without thinking twice about them or questioning whether such feelings should guide their behaviors. He couldn't stand being around children. Dogs made him uncomfortable. And in the face of emotional outbursts, he was completely useless.

It was one of the many things that made him so grateful for Lila Rossi. She not only understood him in a way that others couldn't, but always took his side and explained his behavior when people became offended by it. She was his champion. His interpreter. His patient and loving partner.

And she'd let him down.

Felix returned to his desk after Marinette Dupain-Cheng left his office and stared at his blank computer screen. He wasn't ignorant. He knew that he bore a striking resemblance to his late cousin Adrien, a resemblance so strong that when he'd first seen Lila twelve years ago, she'd stared at him exactly the same way Ms. Dupain-Cheng had: like he'd just crawled out of his own grave.

He'd asked Lila more than once to tell her friend, to prepare her so that  _he_  wouldn't have to deal with a perfect stranger's intense emotions.

He shifted his gaze to the empty chair across from his desk, Ms. Dupain-Cheng's expression seared into his memory. A potent mixture of fear, disbelief, and sorrow. Wasn't there a word for that? Stricken. She'd looked stricken. As if the very sight of him had broken her heart.

He shook his head. It wasn't his fault. He couldn't help the resemblance anymore than he could help the pain that gripped his leg every time it rained or snowed.

In any case, he'd talk to Lila about it that evening. The sooner he addressed it, the sooner he could put his anger away and forgive her.

He turned his computer on. Tapped his fingers against the keyboard while he waited for the login screen to appear. Ms. Dupain-Cheng's stricken face flashed through his memory again, and he sighed through his nose.

It bothered him. That brief glimpse into the fathomless depths of her sorrow bothered him, and he didn't know why.

x.x.x

"Did he really look that much like Adrien?"

Marinette and Tikki sat in the living room with a box of pizza open on the coffee table. Tikki was already on her second slice, but Marinette still held the half-eaten remains of her first, wishing she had the appetite for it. "You should have seen him," she said. "It was like…" She laid the pizza slice down on a napkin. "You know those missing persons posters, how they do a computer mock-up of how someone might look after several years?" Tikki nodded. "He's a computer mock-up of Adrien."

Tikki swallowed the bite she'd been chewing. "But he didn't have Chat Noir's Miraculous."

"That's right."

"And he said he's Adrien's cousin, so it's plausible that they could look alike."

Marinette didn't respond to that. She had no response that wouldn't make her sound crazy. So what if she doubted any two cousins could resemble each other so much? If Felix  _was_  Adrien, what reason would he have to hide his identity from  _her?_

But they were too different. A ten-minute meeting had been enough to assure her of that. Felix Agreste, resemblance aside, was nothing like Adrien.

Tikki flew up and sat on Marinette's shoulder. "Are you okay?" she asked.

Marinette's first instinct was to say yes, but she hesitated.  _Was_ she okay? Was it normal for her to be reacting like this? "I don't know," she said. "I'm confused and hurt and upset. For a minute there, I thought my wildest dreams had come true… but then I have to ask myself why getting Adrien back is still so important to me after all this time."

"That's silly, Marinette. You shouldn't feel bad for wishing someone hadn't died."

"Suppose he hadn't died, then. What would I do?" She held up her left hand to stare at her engagement ring.

Tikki put a paw on her cheek. "Maybe you should figure that out before you marry Nathanael," she said.

Marinette shook her head. They were crazy thoughts, plain and simple. If Adrien hadn't died, she wouldn't be with Nathanael at all. But Adrien was dead. That wasn't an option for her. To dump her fiancé for the memory of a love she could have had was not what healthy people did. Living in the past was not what healthy people did.

"… _coming to you with breaking news. An akuma is attacking Times Square. Police are urging everyone to avoid the area until…"_

Marinette looked at the television. Outside, she heard sirens and the distant drone of a news helicopter. An akuma attack. The perfect distraction.

"Hey Tikki, are you in the mood for some after-dinner exercise?" she asked.

Tikki flew in front of her face with an eager smile. "Let's go!"

A minute later, Ladybug took a running leap off her apartment building and set out for Times Square. A steady rain fell, soaking her through in no time at all. Down below, the flow of pedestrian traffic moved in the opposite direction, a river of people carrying the occasional umbrella along like debris. Abandoned vehicles clogged the streets. Police officers guided citizens towards safety and set up blockades to keep anyone from wandering into the akuma's range.

The rain and darkness of the evening kept Marinette from being noticed as she swung from building to building. But once she reached Times Square, lights illuminated her red suit, making her impossible to miss. She surveyed the area and spotted several news crews crouched behind overturned cars. They waved at her. Where was the akuma? A helicopter pointed a searchlight directly at her and she winced against the brightness.

" _How dare you steal the spotlight from me, you little insect?_ " a voice shouted over the roar of the helicopter's blades.

Marinette looked up and saw a man dressed in a suit made up of several different costumes, his face hidden behind a frowning mask. He floated in front of a giant television screen with a gloved hand pressed to his forehead in a dramatic swoon.

" _Even now, no one wants to acknowledge me as the star—me, The Showman, the greatest performer who ever lived!_ " he cried.

"Every memorable performance needs an excellent leading Lady, don't you think?" Marinette yelled up at him, and dipped into a bow.

The Showman's mask morphed into a hideous smile. " _You? Oh, please_." He stretched out his arm and stage props appeared around him. " _I am a one-man show!_ "

Marinette shrugged. "It was worth a shot." Then she did several backflips to avoid getting hit in the face with fake trees and hand-painted storefronts. A curtain appeared in front of The Showman, snapped shut, and disappeared, taking him with it.

He reappeared inside the helicopter's searchlight and preened in front of an imaginary audience. " _You there_!" he said to the reporters on the ground. " _Are you capturing my good side?_ "

Marinette cast her yoyo to try and restrain him, but the props he'd thrown at her arranged themselves into a backdrop, and her yoyo bounced harmlessly off the wood.

"Talk about an attention hog," a voice said beside Marinette, and she turned to find Loba, rain-soaked and grinning. "Need a claw?"

Marinette smiled back. "I'd love one," she said.

Loba sprang into action without another word. She leapt higher into the air than Marinette could have done even with her superpowers, and aimed a kick at The Showman's backdrop. The wood splintered under the force of the blow with a loud  _crack_.

And suddenly, Marinette was back in the condemned building.

A crack. A groan. A crescendo of destruction.

Chat Noir, his face bloodless.

She had to run, she had to run, she had to—

"Ladybug?"

Times Square returned in the blink of an eye. Huntsman stood in front of her, his hand outstretched as if he'd meant to shake her. "Are you okay?" he asked.

Marinette trembled all over. She looked past him and saw Loba clawing and kicking her way through an army of stage props. "I'm fine," she said, though her heart beat way too fast. "We have to help Loba."

The rest of the fight went by in a blur. One Lucky Charm and some well-coordinated teamwork later, the butterfly was purified and The Showman, an aspiring Broadway actor, sat in the middle of Times Square with a confused look on his face. Marinette threw her Lucky Charm into the air and a wave of magic swept over the area. Broken screens were fixed. The streets repaved themselves. Overturned cars were set back on their tires. Loba and Huntsman watched in amazement as Ladybug's power did what theirs couldn't, and when it was over, they showered her with compliments.

But Marinette could hardly focus on their praise. She was cold. It felt to her as if the rain and darkness had worked their way into her cells, and at any moment she would become rain and darkness herself. She wanted to get away. She wanted to disappear. For one desperate second, she wished the collapsing building had crushed her, too.

Then the reporters arrived, shoving cameras and microphones and lights into her face, and she had to be Ladybug again. Strong, heroic Ladybug, who had survived this long without her partner. Who would continue to survive without her partner.

She arrived back at her apartment almost half an hour later and went straight to the bathroom. She released her transformation, filled the tub with hot water, stripped off her work clothes, and sank into the scalding bath, desperate for warmth.

Tikki sat near her, but she didn't speak. Her blue eyes were wide with concern.

After some time, Marinette sat back and rested her head against the edge of the tub. "All right," she said, "I admit it. I need psychological help."

She'd never seen a therapist before. She'd been too afraid that she would let slip her superhero identity, so she'd dealt with the nightmares and the flashbacks and the survivor's guilt on her own—and clearly, she hadn't made very much progress.

If she was going to survive her time in New York working for a man who looked like Adrien, a man who was engaged to her only civilian friend and could therefore not be avoided forever, she would have to deal with her grief as aggressively as possible. For her sake. For the sake of her future marriage.

Once she'd warmed up, she got out of the tub and sent Nathanael an email telling him that she was exhausted and would talk to him in the morning. Then she crawled into bed and listened to the rain until oblivion came for her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you are suffering from post-traumatic stress, including flashbacks, nightmares, and panic attacks, please get professional help. You don't have to fight it alone.
> 
> Next time: What WAS Lila thinking?
> 
> Leave a comment and come bother me on Tumblr (geek-fashionista).


End file.
